This article was written by Alisha Ostberg and Edited by Oluwaseun Ayodeji Osowobi
A gentle guide to coming out safely and finding yourself in community
Earlier this fall, SafeLink Alberta’s Jax Dowdell and Calgary Queer Arts Society’s Shone Thistle sat down to talk about visibility, coming out, and the deeply personal reasons some folks choose not to, including concerns about safety. That conversation reminded us of something simple and tender: coming out isn’t a test you pass. It’s a series of choices you make to protect your well-being and honour your complex journey.
Table of Contents
Coming out as a life skill (not a one-time event)
Coming out can be joyful, but it can also be complicated. You get to set the pace. You get to choose the people. You get to decide what’s private and what’s shared. And if “not now” (or “not here”) is the safest choice, that’s still courage.
At SafeLink Alberta, we see coming out as part of a mindset grounded in self-awareness and the freedom to make safe, authentic choices. It’s about doing what you can, with what you have, to keep yourself as safe and supported as possible while moving toward the life you want.
If you’re considering coming out, here are a few quick check-ins you can engage in for safety and to feel supported:
1. Map your circle.
Ask yourself who feels safe, steady, and kind? Start there.
2. Right-size your story.
A slice of your story is still a whole story. You don’t owe anyone the director’s cut.
3. Pick the setting.
Private coffee? Text first? Public space with a quick exit? Choose what regulates your nervous system.
4. Plan the after.
Snack, water, walk, quiet time, debrief with a friend; line up whatever helps you land on your feet, or a comfy cushion.
5. Protect your personal info.
If you’re sharing online, you may want to consider pseudonyms/usernames, privacy settings, and what to leave off the internet.
6. Know your supports.
Keep numbers handy (see “Resources” below). If things tempers flare and things escalate, know that you are not alone.
If the safest choice is not coming out in a specific context (home, work, school), that’s valid. Your safety is not up for debate.
Places to see yourself—and celebrate others
You don’t have to be on a stage or in a spotlight to find community or a sense of belonging. There are many events to find community; below are two Calgary Queer Arts Society touchstones to witness and be in community with no prerequisite to identify as Queer, just an invitation to witness and celebrate authenticity:
Fairy Tales Queer Art & Film Festival
Stories on screen that open doors to empathy, history, joy, and possibility. Bring a friend, a parent, a partner—let the film do the talking, then talk together.
The Coming Out Monologues & Art Market
Stories told on a person’s own terms. You can attend, nod along, feel seen, and leave a little less lonely. You can also choose to share someday—if and when it’s safe for you.
Both spaces are about consent, care, and celebration. Think of them as cozy living rooms with better acoustics. Add an arts market and DJ on your way through the lobby, and suddenly, it’s a house party you look forward to every spring and fall in Calgary.
The Coming Out Monologues: a Mini Retrospective
Born over a decade ago in Calgary’s campus community and lovingly adopted by Calgary Queer Arts Society, The Coming Out Monologues has grown from a single mic night into an annual tradition of first-person storytelling. The format is simple and powerful: people tell their truths in the ways that feel safest – sometimes spoken, sometimes read, sometimes sung or intertwined with movement. Over the years, TCOM has moved from small rooms to marquee cultural venues, added ASL interpretation and clearer consent practices, and widened its circle to include stories across generations, cultures, and identities. Through it all, the heart has stayed the same: your story, your terms, our shared courage.
Resources (keep these close)
SafeLink Alberta
Non-judgmental support around sexual health, substance use, HIV/HCV/STBBI care, and gender-affirming navigation.
9-8-8
Canada’s Suicide Crisis Helpline (call or text, 24/7).
Distress Centre Calgary
403-266-HELP (4357) – 24/7 crisis line/text.
211 Alberta
Find community, social, and mental-health supports near you.
A note from Shone
“When someone offers a piece of their life, our job is to make the room gentle enough to hold it. The Coming Out Monologues isn’t about spectacle; it’s about consent, care, and the courage to be seen on your own terms. Whether you’re ready to step to the mic or you’re here to listen, you belong with us.”
Shone Thistle, Executive Director, Calgary Queer Arts Society & Calgary Poet Laureate (2024–2026)
Coming soon…
Keep your eyes peeled for Calgary Queer Arts Society’s next storytelling initiative: From the Vault! From the Vault will be a film screening series held at local businesses in all four quadrants of Calgary. It’s another welcoming way to see yourself on screen, support local partners, and keep the conversation going safely and together.
However you engage – quietly, loudly, later, or never – you deserve safety, dignity, and joy. If today is hard, reach out. If today is good, reach out too. Community is built both ways.
More Coming Out Stories
“I was 100% myself. All the good, the bad, the ugly—the things I would have hidden before or tried to change, none of that.” – Later in Life Lesbian
“It took me many years to realize who I was, and since I have come out to my partner, a boss, friends, and some acquaintances, but I feel like the most important person I came out to was myself.” – Anonymous
About SafeLink Alberta
SafeLink Alberta is a non-profit organization that has been serving and advocating for priority populations in Calgary and southern Alberta since 1983. Our mission is to reduce the harms associated with sexual activity and substance use through education, non-judgmental services and programming.
We believe that everyone deserves access to healthcare services, regardless of their background or lifestyle. That’s why we prioritize underserved communities and those who are most at risk for HIV, hepatitis C, and other sexually transmitted and blood-borne infections.
Our services include HIV, syphilis, and hepatitis C testing, emotional support, support groups, and referrals to other healthcare providers. We also offer supplies and education on safer sex practices, drug use, and overdose prevention.
Our team is made up of passionate and dedicated individuals who are committed to making a positive impact in our community. We work closely with other organizations and community partners to ensure that our services are accessible and effective.
At SafeLink Alberta, we believe that everyone deserves to live a healthy and fulfilling life, and we are here to support and empower our clients every step of the way.